Paulina in the Lab

Today I learned a new word: equanimity. En Espanol: ecuanimidad. According to google, it means: mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation: Instantly, I related it to myself. At this moment of my life I feel a sort of calmness and tranquility that I have not felt in months. It has also been a year since I’ve felt like myself again: that ambitious, go-getter girl that has carried me to the point I am in my life today. The version of myself that truly reflects my work-ethic and willingness to persevere in order to accomplish my goals. You see, when life gets you down, you forget about the good qualities you admire about yourself. Everything around you somehow doesn’t fulfill you in the same way it did. And you disappoint yourself. How? Well by digging yourself deeper into the hole you initiated for yourself. 

I know what this feels like.

I think one of my biggest struggles this past year was feeling unwanted, un-loved and selfish for deciding to have moved approximately 3 hours away from home for college. Prior to moving away, I considered myself an independent person. But, very quickly I realized how much I depended on my family for comfort, guidance and love. Instead of managing these emotions of loneliness and self-hatred, I suppressed them and simply tried to get busier and focus on my studies harder. 

However, emotions that are not addressed build up and explode in your face when you least expect it.

Therefore, I write this to bring attention to other students who may relate to my 1st-year college experience. Just to clarify: self-doubt and anxiety are normal to experience. And they most certainly can be managed. My regret is that I let it dictate my actions and it slowly worsened over time. 

That is why I wanted to center this blog post around this new word I learned: equanimity. Personally, I wish I had focused more on protecting my equanimity. Reflecting back, I realize just how precious this quality is and I urge each one of you to define what equanimity looks like for you.

I want to better myself in many ways. As a student, friend, writer, baker, daughter, sister, etc. (I think this list could be endless). So, I invite you to ask yourself: what does my list look like? From there, I think you can then envision how equanimity plays an essential role in your various identities since it is a form of self-grounding that helps us to regulate our emotions, no matter how stressful life may get. And, once we learn how to regulate our emotions, we can learn how to show up as that friend or as that student we so desire to be. 

As we enter the new school year, I hope this blog post can offer some guidance to any student who struggles with anxiety and managing stress. I know how overwhelming that can feel but this is a reminder that we are never alone in our struggles! Think positive and when the hard times come, which they inevitably will, empower yourself with your equanimity.

Chao 🙂